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Evan Hayes and Lila Hayes

Evan Thomas Hayes and Lila Marie Hayes were father and daughter. Evan accepted responsibility for the pregnancy when he was sixteen, prepared for Lila’s arrival through work and systematic research, met her in the neonatal intensive care unit before Pattie regained consciousness, and shared her care across both households after discharge.

Pregnancy and Preparation

Pattie and Evan conceived Lila at Jeremy Wallace’s party in spring 1998, when both were fifteen. Pattie discovered the pregnancy that summer, after Evan’s sixteenth birthday. Evan responded, “Okay. We’ll figure it out together.” He believed Pattie, accepted equal responsibility, and did not question Lila’s paternity.

Evan remained in school, worked six days a week at Burger King, attended medical appointments, and researched pregnancy, newborn care, and household costs. He used notebooks, lists, and spreadsheets to organize information and tried to save enough money to provide for Lila. The combined schedule became physically unsustainable, and the adults in both households intervened to increase support.

At eighteen weeks, Pattie felt Lila kick and grabbed Evan’s hand. Although he could not feel the movement yet, he watched Pattie’s face change and heard her begin calling their child “Lila” instead of “the baby” or “the pregnancy.” The name and Pattie’s reaction made their daughter concrete to him.

Four days before Lila’s birth, Pattie attended a Backstreet Boys concert with Clarissa Smalls. Lila kicked throughout the performance. When Pattie told Evan about it, he felt both joy at their daughter’s responsiveness and a pang of jealousy that he had missed experiencing it with them.

Deborah Hayes blamed Pattie, questioned whether the baby was Evan’s, and used Pattie’s ADHD against her. Evan told Deborah that she could not remain in his or Lila’s life if she did not respect Pattie. He maintained that permanent boundary throughout the pregnancy and after Lila’s birth.

Birth and First Meeting

Main article: Lila Hayes Birth and NICU Stay (October 1998) - Event

Pattie’s severe preeclampsia progressed to pulmonary edema in late October 1998. When the medical team recommended an emergency delivery, Evan told her, “I think I want you alive. Both of you. Whatever it takes.”

Lila was born by emergency cesarean section at 8:47 p.m. on October 28, 1998. She was thirty-one weeks gestational age, weighed three pounds, one ounce, and breathed without a ventilator. Her loud cry surprised the NICU nurses. Evan met her there at 9:23 p.m. with nurse Linda, before Pattie regained consciousness. He heard her crying before he understood that the sound came from his daughter and, sobbing too hard to speak at first, gave the staff the full name he and Pattie had selected: Lila Marie Hayes.

Evan sat with Lila, spoke to her, and participated in her care while Pattie recovered. Those first hours gave him time to know his daughter independently, without diminishing Pattie’s place as her mother. The next morning, he watched Lila settle against Pattie’s bare chest during their first skin-to-skin contact and recognized that his bond with Lila would develop through different experiences. Lila also calmed in response to his voice.

NICU Stay

Lila remained hospitalized through early December for feeding, temperature regulation, growth, and medical monitoring. Evan visited, learned her care routines, asked nurses questions, and remained involved in decisions with Pattie and the adults supporting them. Her weight gains mattered to him: by Pattie’s sixteenth birthday on November 3, Lila weighed three pounds, four ounces. Evan helped make that birthday a family occasion in the NICU while Lila slept through it.

On November 1, Pattie stopped pumping and began formula feeding through Lila’s temporary feeding tube. Evan supported the change as an access decision that allowed Pattie to protect her health and participate more sustainably in Lila’s care.

Their friends’ planned baby shower became a November 8 gathering at Tommy’s house to welcome Lila and support her parents. Lila remained in the NICU. Food, diapers, gas and cafeteria cards, and a meal train helped Pattie and Evan continue visiting and caring for her.

Responses to Evan’s fatherhood varied outside the two households. Connor offered quiet support, while Jeremy understood Evan’s decision to stay involved through difficulty. Some classmates judged him or drew away. Evan did not try to win their approval; he continued the work of caring for Lila.

Early Infancy

After discharge, Lila alternated between the Matsuda and Hayes households. Evan continued school and his six-day Burger King schedule while sharing feeding, diapering, soothing, transportation, and nighttime care with Pattie. They divided sleep into shifts, and Evan learned to eat even when exhaustion suppressed his appetite. Tommy watched Lila so Evan could sleep, and Ellen supplied meals.

For Lila’s first night home, Evan had assembled the crib, organized the supplies, posted the feeding schedule, and memorized the emergency numbers. Lila then screamed for three hours, and none of that preparation soothed her. During the colicky weeks, he tested different holds, white noise, swaddling, warm baths, and car rides one at a time and recorded the results.

Evan also recorded Lila’s feedings, diapers, sleep, and crying patterns. The notes helped both parents follow her care when exhaustion made it harder, and gave Pattie support with tracking while she managed ADHD. The persistence of Lila’s colic showed Evan that accurate records did not guarantee a solution; he stayed with her through long crying periods even when no technique worked consistently.

After Lila came home from the NICU in early December, Pattie became overwhelmed during a night of prolonged colic and told Evan that she felt like a failure. Holding their crying daughter, Evan told Pattie, “I’m in love with you. I have been since sixth grade. Maybe longer.” He also told her, “I’m not stuck. I chose this. I chose her. I chose you. And I’d do it again.” Pattie could not yet name her own feelings as romantic love but told him that she trusted him and wanted him beside her. The exchange marked the beginning of their gradual movement from friends and co-parents into a romantic partnership.

Parenting Approach

Evan followed the model of practical validation he had received from Tommy. He treated Lila’s distress as information rather than misbehavior and responded through research, routine, patience, and direct care. His willingness to accept help from the wider family network grew as exhaustion showed the limits of trying to solve every problem alone.

The permanent separation from Deborah was also part of Evan’s parenting. He did not expose Lila to the medical dismissal, ableism, and conditional approval he had witnessed in his childhood. Lila’s paternal family connection came through Tommy, who remained actively involved without challenging Evan’s boundary.

Family and Cultural Context

Evan was a white father raising a daughter with Japanese American and white family heritage. Lila’s Japanese American ancestry came through Pattie’s father, Greg Matsuda. Evan had already learned ASL to communicate with Pattie’s brother Cody and treated the Matsuda family as partners in Lila’s care. His role did not require him to define her entire cultural identity through his own background.

Tommy’s consistent, nonjudgmental parenting gave Evan a model for fatherhood that differed from Deborah’s emphasis on status and appearances. Deborah treated the pregnancy as a threat to the family’s standing; Evan remained publicly and practically involved with Pattie and Lila. The Hayes family’s resources made some forms of support available, but did not remove the work, fear, exhaustion, or judgments that accompanied their teenage parenthood. Evan understood being Lila’s father as a continuing choice expressed through presence and care as well as a biological relationship.

Relationships Family Relationships Parent-Child Relationships Evan Hayes Lila Hayes Hayes Family